Single Parent Dating and Relationships

Single parent dating is not as easy as dating when you are single without children. Single parent dating sounds worrying to say the least. With all the chores of your daily life as a single parent, in between school sessions, custodial times, taking the kids to day care, preschool, all their sporting and school activities, at the same time working full time, how are you expected to find the time for dating? Thinking about a serious relationship may be problematic, as your children are the first priority in your life. How can you explain to your kids the fact that you are now with a new boyfriend or a girlfriend? How can you explain to them the reasons you are no longer with the other parent and are dating or have a relationship with a new man (or a woman) in your life that may become a step-parent to them at some point? Check Out Dating For Parents

And how do you find someone to date who understands the daily challenges of being a single parent, and the need to give you time and space? How do you find that person who will not take offence when you don’t make them and your dating life a priority?

Has anyone suggested that you place a personal ad on a dating site to help you get over the trauma of your recent divorce, help you get out and meet and date new people? Has anyone told you that because the first time around your marriage did not work out, you should not give up on dating, love and your personal life at the same time, without sacrificing the duties that come with being a single parent? As a single parent, it becomes more difficult to find good quality people to date just because you are now have to be extra careful and to consider not only the potential for a relationship with the new love in your life, but to also think about how this new dating relationship will affect your children and whether this new relationship will actually benefit your children and family life, or whether it will be a detriment. It is already not easy to find quality people to date, but it is even more complicated when you have children.

It doesn't have to be complicated. Remember, you need your own “adult” time without your children, so you can “recharge” and enjoy your single activities, your “adult” activities, such as a night out at a nice restaurant with dim light and classy atmosphere. Single parents do need to date, just like everyone else who is single. Once the first trauma of the divorce and your failed marriage has passed, it is now time for you to start thinking about dating.

Try not to make things too complicated. Single parent dating can be fun and fulfilling, not to mention you may actually end up with a new love who is your “perfect match”.
Remember that with dating, just like with everything else, you can set your own rules. And now it is the most important that you don’t cross your boundaries. Finding a person who will understand and respect your boundaries may be a little bit of a task, but you just need to be selective.

Have you thought about some potential venues of finding that perfect match”? Of course, if you want to start dating again, the first thing is to find someone to date who you are compatible with. If you know anyone whom you think you may be interested in, ask them out, or if you are a woman, accept an invitation to go out when a man asks you.

Once you have identified someone you want to date or go out with, and the other person has asked you out, or accepted your invitation to go out on a date, you need to find the time for your date so that it does not interfere with your children’s school schedule and activities. If you pick up your kids after work or after their class, and have them for dinner every night of the work week, you may want to consider scheduling your date around lunch time, especially if you are your date work in the same area.

A lunch date can offer a more relaxed pressure-free atmosphere versus a “traditional” formal dinner date. Lunch in the afternoon type date or even a coffee date at a local Starbucks is way more casual then a dinner date. The good thing is that you don’t have to get dressed up specifically for a date, which eliminates the need to shop for a nice expensive dress that you would want to wear on a dinner date, and get particularly dolled-up to look your best to impress your date. It doesn’t even have to look and feel like an official date. But at the same time it is a great to get to know each other a little bit and get the feel of the person before you decide if you, in fact, want to proceed with a dinner date and to get to know that person a little bit further to see if there is a potential for a relationship.

If you are meeting for a lunch date or a coffee date, there is a set amount of time that you can limit yourself to, because, after the date, you still need to go back to work.

So, here is the uneasy part. How do you tell your date that you have children? Some single parents think that bringing up their children on the first date is premature. After all, you don’t know yet if you are even going to like each other and to proceed with a second date.

But your children are a huge part of your life and it is important to inform your date of that early on. The person you are dating and are thinking of potentially involving in your life at some point has the right to know that you have children and come as a package early on so that he or she can make an informed decision whether he or she wants to continue dating you. Some singles who have not been married and don’t have children, are hesitant about dating someone who already has been married and have their own children. They may not want to be involved with someone else’s children and may want to have a couple of their own.

Additionally, not every single person wants to have to work around your custodial schedule, deal emotionally with your court custody battles and child support issues, that ultimately affect your emotional and financial stability, your angry and bitter ex-spouse’s issues, and much more that in any situation with divorcee-parents may still very well exist. It is just a certain comfort level that each person tries to accomplish in a relationship and dating.

Honesty from the very first date is critical if you want to build a solid foundation of trust in your relationship. With that said, consider bringing up your children on the very first date. This is probably the most important subject that you must mention on the first date if you are thinking of getting serious with someone and have a potential for a long term relationship. So, make sure you talk to the other person about your children on the very first date to avoid later disappointments and seeing that person walk away because he or she is not ready to get involved in a relationship with someone who has “baggage”. Children are great and a lot of people love children and want to get involved with someone who already has children if everything else fits the bill, but avoid a conversation about your children in the first place may cause the person to pull away from you thinking you were not honest and sincere from the get go. Avoiding talking on the subject of your children can break the level of trust and comfort and can damage your relationship considerably even if the two of you really like each other in the beginning of the dating relationship.

A man I knew once tried to conceal the fact that his ex-girlfriend was expecting a child when they broke up. I am not sure what he was thinking about when he got heavily involved with his new love and proposed to her without a slight mentioning that he was expecting a child. A child is not a needle in a haystack. You can’t just sweep it under the rug and pretend it doesn’t exist.

There are consequences to being dishonest about such critical facts about your life and family. The consequences that you will never be able to cure if you are not honest from the beginning of a relationship. It always comes back and bites you. If you tell the other person from the beginning of your relationship, best at your first date what your situation is, it will minimize the negative impact that this fact could have on your relationship later on. The other person has the right to make an informed decision whether he or she wants to date you.

If you browse some dating sites, you may see that some dating site members chose to meet people who have never been married and do not have children. This is because many singles who have not been married before, want a fresh start. They want to have a family forever. They think carefully about whom they want to get involved with because they don’t want to end up in a divorce. Not to say that they would not date someone because of their “bad track record” and previous divorce, but they want to build a family and have children, and they do not want to have the baggage that comes with someone who has been married before and has children. Not to mention, someone with children may not even want to have any more.

Of course, all above said does not mean that you have to bring your children on a date with you. But letting the other person know that you have children and there is a possibility for the other person to ultimately get involve in your family life, is imperative.

Sometimes, single parents prefer dating another single parent. This is a great way to date other like-minded people, who may be more open to dating a person with children. This option should not be left out and should be explored. As two single parents,

you already have a lot of things in common. You both know what it’s like being a single parent, raising your children alone, and what challenges being a single parent presents, especially in the situation of dating. As your relationship progresses, you may find yourself actually participating and involving your children in the same activities together.

The uneasy part of dating as a single parent is introducing your children to your new love. Not only that, but you should also be prepared to your ex-spouses discomfort and possible retaliation, and jealousy issues when it comes to your children. Some bitter parents are very protective of their ex-spouses love life, as they perceive it as a threat to their own relationships and bond with their children. If this is the case, dating another single parent is a great option, because not only it shows to your ex-spouse that you are in a relationship with someone who has been around children, it also demonstrates to the court and authorities that your new mate is a responsible as a single parent and that the new relationship will be positive rather than detrimental.